We Don't Need Another Albert Einstein
Or, Theodore Roosevelt but here's what we do need...
“Texts from friends confirmed the teenager has suicidal thoughts, resources, and a plan,” the officer explained as he lead me to the smooth-faced teen.*
It was a crisp night as I walked the lawn leading to an upper class home dotted with twinkling lights along the driveway and a superbly kept porch with brick edifice. The house was nice.
Anyone’s Kid
This kid could be anyone’s kid. Smartly dressed, meek approach… benign, unsuspecting. He would sooner be seen playing Minecraft or complaining about math homework, yet, here he was in a very grown up, very dark, very serious situation.
He was calm.
Beneath the calm demeanor… rage, anger, sadness, a mixture, or none of the above?
The parent looks on at us and the officers confused, wells of water straining to break. But, they don’t. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
How could this happen?
Remain strong, stoic, principled. Don’t let them see you break. Your child, your treasure is hurting and you missed it. He was caught by happenstance. One of his friends reported him to the police. So, here we stand. Don’t break.
“Hey, let’s continue this in the ambulance,” I said leading them into the night.
Suicidal thoughts are an unfortunate call type that takes the lion’s share of most EMS call volumes. These call types are never pleasant.
The source is often a deep cry for help and made all the more unpleasant the younger the voice uttering them is.
Bullying, divorce, online influence, negative emotions, and depression are just a few among the many reasons that contribute to suicide ideation.
Depending on which study you read, the incidence ranges from 19-22%. Females are at a statistical disadvantage with a higher risk than males. 1/3 have articulated suicide thoughts while nearly a quarter have made plans.
Disturbing.
The stats only get bleaker the further into the literature you dive. It’s a real problem but from it emerges hope.
Ambulance Ride
The ride to the hospital was brief. The parent was secured in a seat adjacent the son processing all that was happening. The son sat upright and quiet.
No one teaches you how to deal with this situation. Sure, we go through therapeutic communication strategies but how do you speak to a kid who is literally preparing a way to end their life? How do you speak to the parent?
You can’t tell them everything’s going to be alright.
You have no idea.
It’s an awkward moment.
I didn’t know what to say…at first but I hope the advice I gave made some sense and resonated with him.
2 Choices
I told him about Theodore Roosevelt who was a very sickly child, mainly suffering from asthma. Roosevelt’s parents sought specialists to help their ailing son but to no avail. They even went so far as to have him smoke cigars to cough it all out.
Roosevelt had 2 choices: give in to his health condition or overcome it. No one would have faulted “Teddy” for it. After all, it wasn’t his fault, it was his condition. But, Teddy chose the latter and would go on to lead victory at San Juan Hill during the Spanish-American War, become a United States President, and accomplish other amazing feats.
I told my patient, this kid, this child, and his parent the story because he needed to see what lay before him and all of us is this incredible opportunity to be something more.
Ignoring the Voices
“But, it will never come to pass if you let the voices win,” I told him. “30-year-old you looks way different than 14-year-old you."
“We don’t need another Teddy Roosevelt or Albert Einstein.”
I paused.
“We need another you. We’ll never get it if you let the voices win and snuff out the light you have to offer to this world.”
The talk was more monologue than I intended but felt this child and his parent needed to hear that he has something to offer to this world.
And, so do you.
It’s too easy to compare ourselves to online personalities, friends, or celebrities. We think in our hubris we don’t but the influence is all but subtle. We absolutely transform ourselves into the image we think others want and are saddened when we fall short.
So, in this Christmas season when for many the times are bleak, remember you, too, have a light. We don’t need anyone else.
We really just need you.
Resources
Youth Suicide Risk Increased Over Past Decade
*Names and details are changed to maintain HIPAA sensitivity.